i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
