I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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