If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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