you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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