are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
