no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
