I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
