Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
