I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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