just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
