you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
