At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
