mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
