bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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