we're blogging at a bar
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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