Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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