You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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