i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
