if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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