that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
