There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
