Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
