carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
