google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
