in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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