You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
