Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
