Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
