Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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