The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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