My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
