Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
