I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
