I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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