No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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