You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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