Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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