So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
