I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
