I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
