im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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