She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
