So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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