I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
