You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
