This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
