dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
