OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
