I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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