Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
