He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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